Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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