So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
