You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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