clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
