farters have to be the big spoon...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
