do herpes really smell.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
