Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
