I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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