Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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