Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
how drunk are you?
Several
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
