Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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