even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
