Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
