please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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