Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
