I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Vodka?
Forever.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
PANTIES FOUND
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