you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
