Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize