i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
