Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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