i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
