So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
