you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
