I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
