my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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