I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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