oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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