pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.