you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
