nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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