I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.