Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
