Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
