Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
