loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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