I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How does it feel to date your dad?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
