Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
