..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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