yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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