Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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