Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
