I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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