Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
