I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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