There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
