did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
soo... how was my night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
