Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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