My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
