Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We named our party play list daddy issues
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
