The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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