I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
