i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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