she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
