I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize