Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the day after is always just damage control
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
