I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
