yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
