He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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