Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
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woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize