I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
