im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
