note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
