Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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