I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
