maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it hurts more in the daytime
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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