she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
