Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Pooping to opera.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
