FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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